DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
