She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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