Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
