hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
