She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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