I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
