I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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