The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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