It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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