He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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