this just has baby written all over it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
