Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
