OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think people are normalizing furries
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
