Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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