Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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