My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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