So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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