I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
