Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
