The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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