You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
