I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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