you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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