Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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