Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
