I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
