So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
