I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
