Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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