Me. At least after what I've been through.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
