I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
