I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
