Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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