WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
