I puked a lego.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
