Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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