What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
