Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
