Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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