help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She even gives head with a lisp.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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