he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If I die, sorry about rent.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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