Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
