Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
