My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
