remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
