if you like me you must not know who I am
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
