So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
