You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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