when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
