my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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