Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize