I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
