I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
