It's Friday. Sex?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
