tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
