It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
