I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize