May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
