the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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