My liver just broke up with me...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
