i think my mom watched the whole time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
