I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
