Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
