if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
