she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
