god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
