I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
