How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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