her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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