The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
