I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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