It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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