Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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