woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This baby is an asshole
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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