Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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