i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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