So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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