What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
